I woke up today remembering having had very powerful and intense dreams last night, but I couldn't remember what they were. I let it slip my mind and quickly forgot about it. This happens a lot and it makes me so frustrated. I dream really well, really vividly, and emotionally. I slip back into super distant memories of people and places and am so in the dream that I can taste things sometimes, or wake myself up crying.
I got ready to take a shower and decided to play some music while scrubbing. Some emo-esque song came on and it all came back to me. The dream drifted up to the limits of my memory enough so I could piece it back together. I dreamed I was going through this tiny closet in the wall at my father's (my) house, where I grew up. This closet was always so mysterious to me as a child because it was built at about window sill level, and was very deep and not that high. Good for hanging little tiny cardigans or a child's Easter dress, but not much else. If it didn't always have mildew in it I would have played in it more growing up. Why would someone build a waist high hole in the wall? Anyway in the dream I'm rummaging through it, and it's present day, and I find some kind of container. Like a tupperware box, or a whiskey bottle tube. I open in and inside it are all these precious little things from when I was around 13-15. It was a time capsule. I scattered the contents onto a nearby desk and looked and old mix cds with faded writing of what the songs were, some stupid jewelry, and different other things that I got so excited to see. Remember this song? Remember when you got this keychain, or band tshirt?
It's incredible how time flies... and at the speed of light. I was 14 15 years ago. I don't feel much different most days, my hair still doesn't cooperate, I still have more or less the same build with a little extra in some places, and I still listen to a lot of the same music, which helps maintain the facade that I'm not growing up. I now teach Spanish youngsters in a high school and watch as they deal with the same things I dealt with at their age. Popularity or lack there of, isolation, family problems, feeling like every moment is the most important moment that will ever happen to you. I see a lot of hurt feelings, and outcasts- as I felt when I was younger. I see kids trying so hard to be different and still following the crowd and others that would give anything to fit in. I guess high school is the same in any language and culture. It seems like those days of having nothing to lose are so far away, and although I really felt miserable for a lot of that time, I'd go back in a second. I'd relive every awkward moment. It's really magical to reminisce sometimes...
Just me. No more, no less.
Under my skin,
there is just me within.
My faults and my successes ,
my achievements and my messes,
and each of these wonders
makes me wonderful.
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