Lightning

Lightning comes
and lightning goes
and it's just nature, I suppose
but will I ever find my purpose?
At least the lightning hits the surface.
But I have so much underneath
and it's not wealth that I reap
and it's not redemption that I seek
I just want a place to be.
It's only pain that I feel.
And what is false?
And what is real?
And what is true?
And what is a lie?
I can't escape forever inside.
And lightning hits and lightning breaks
And I grow tired of the happiness I fake.
I feel so bad I feel so guilty
I'm never clean
I'm always filthy.
I wish I was who I'm supposed to be
not me of now but the real me.
And this conscience won't let me be
and my own life isn't free
I just want some harmony
and not to feel guilty
about everything
and my family, who miss me.
But who else?
Who more?
In the end is it me I'm living for?
And was it worth it all I did,
and to still have a life to live?
The stars were shining tonight.
It is who I think it is, am I right?
Is it my family here to see me
in this condition, oh so sloppy?