For Matthew, with all my love.

I couldn't sleep

I couldn't sleep 

I couldn't sleep last night

My head was racing with thoughts of you

Little flashes of memories of such happy times

Days you came to babysit 

that turned into evenings with you playing the Charlie Brown Christmas music on our piano

That turned into us playing monopoly on the living room floor with the lady with the perm who would one day be your adoring wife. She wore overalls.

Thinking about my Confirmation. You were my sponsor and were so proud of me.

Boogie kisses.

Your bucks.

Your wedding. I loved your wedding. I felt so grown up and pretty and fought with my mom to wear high heels and won. There was a swimming pool in the hotel. Your dad and Uncle Rudy spinning the ladies around like whirling dervishes with their polka competitions... let's see whose feet touch the floor less.

I remember Christmases and you always wore your class ring and it would clink against the beers you'd drink (Michelob)

I remember watching your graduation from Temple Law. Dad said, "suma fucking cum laude, that asshole."

Mom was so proud of you. Mom was always so proud of you.

I remember when your children were born and all the silly times we played together. I have watched them grow into two of the finest examples of human beings I have ever encountered. 

I remember Chris wanted to send a balloon with a letter to Uncle George in Heaven.

The last time we talked was when you reached out on facebook and asked if I was ok, letting me know one last time how much you loved me. You noticed, when no one else did, when I wasn't doing well. I will never forget that.

I will never forget the Simpsons.

My first mix tape of Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5. A CD of The Lemonheads. A CD of the Beatles Rubbersole and Revolver. I took them with me to Spain. I will never forget The Pixies, The Breeders, REM, Red Hot Chili Peppers. Letting me select from your music collection whatever I wanted. 

I will always remember all of it.